Raiden — Metal Gear

Note: Fictionkind have gotten the short end of the stick since their inception. Not only to one extreme: the emerging concept of fictionkin was largely regarded as spineless and irrational, whereas, in modern discourse, fictionkind are now raging fanatics who take it all too seriously — or have their fictional nature minimised to be relatable. I can't deny stigma still makes me a little ashamed to express being fictionkind.

For one reason or another, I had imprinted on Raiden decades ago. In the early 2020s, when I revisited the Metal Gear Solid series for the first time since childhood, it added necessary context for what went on in my mind in the years since I first 'met' him. This time around, I had some words to describe it.

Raiden is a defining aspect of my self; I view the more human-specific parts of life through him. You could say the bestial and human halves of me are split between Tiger and Raiden, respectively. I recall vivid noemata that span a large period outside of the visible story. Sometimes, I feel the phantom sensation of machinery over my own flesh, especially the hands, feet, and mandible. When I dream, I experience the dream as Raiden a lot of the time, regardless of the content.

Rose is as loved by me as she was when we were together. On both a sentimental and literal level I see myself as her husband. I've even built a few webpages for her. I don't think words can truly express what I still feel for her. I wish to keep her close, even now.

A character I could confidently call a paratype interconnected with Raiden is the "brother" protagonist from the video game NieR Replicant. Upon playing the game, I was immediately drawn to how similar their development, personality, and even appearance was. I jokingly refer to NieR's protagonist as "isekai Raiden". I experience noemata for my paratype, albeit dulled, and I feel a deep sense of recognition when it comes to him, meaningful people in his life, and the world he inhabits.

Being a fictional character is a key 'role' for my life. I bear the things I learned and experienced then and interact with the world better through this insight. I don't think so highly of myself to go through my current life demanding people treat or recognise me as any video game character specifically... I just act like anyone does. Sometimes those close to me pick up on similarities and go the extra mile associating us, but it doesn't bother me either way.

As for 'what' I am on an alterhuman level: the cyborg is science fiction's classic model for the boundary of humanity versus non-humanity; even beyond that, as biological versus mechanical. I felt more human than artificial, even if it was sometimes an inner point of contention. It's something I continue to echo now.

I ended up trading defining myself as 'non-human' with identifying more closely with 'alterhuman' in itself, as I felt it was important that at least some of my humanity remain visible.