Tiger on The Web

30 Day Fictionkind Challenge:

Days 1 - 23 were answered on Tumblr during May 2022. Completed, revised, and published 06/11/2022.

Original promptlist by hraefngeyst on Tumblr.

Vergil from Devil May Cry, and both, I'm a half-demon with some draconic traits.

I had what was essentially species dysphoria back then anyway, which carried on into this life. It hits harder now that this body is fully human. It tends to centre around how my current body lacks traits devils had (scales, claws, wings, horns), and species-related gender dysphoria (most demons were sexless). I also have the pretty common "I'm not physically my fictotype anymore but I'm meant to be, and I miss my home/family/other things I held dear" feeling. I'm learning to cope with it better, and I'm grateful for phantom shifts and the rare 'kin-related dream to give me a little bit of that life back.

My 'kin friends on various social media, but even then I'm not as open as I want to be. I struggle to talk about being fictionkin even if it does make up a massive part of my identity. I find it more personal and embarrassing than say my theriotype does, I'm afraid of being seen as cringeworthy or too serious about it by discussing memories or deeper experiences and feelings. Would I tell you things if you asked? Absolutely. But otherwise, probably not. Wanting to be more open is why I'm doing this challenge actually.

I currently go by my fictotype's name online and in certain in-person spaces such as social groups I attend(ed), if that counts as being open. I chose the name before I discovered the character, so it isn't inherently a fictionkin thing, but I changed the spelling to reflect him.

I'm there for news and for art but I keep my distance, mainly out of fear of a content creator finding my alterhuman social media where I talk about how I am the character. It makes me cringe a little at the thought. I'm also uncomfortable with popular pairings involving me that the fandom unfortunately loves, or at least a vocal enough minority does, which makes me not want to participate. I do answer lore questions on the subreddit sometimes though if that counts.

I do, I can't remember specific characters but often when I finish a new media I experience strong cameo shifts and noemata of a certain character for a brief period.

I realised I was fictionkin in general a few years after my therian awakening, around 2018. I struggled for years to discover which character(s) fit me so it's only been 6 or 7 months [Update: over a year now, still going strong] since I confirmed my fictotype. I started being active in the wider, more serious, fictionkind community only recently and before that I kept to Vent (a venting/diary app with a pretty large 'kin community, albeit similar to the copingkin of Tumblr).

A friend of mine in the therian community had a fictional theriotype. They were the reason why I realised that identifying as a fictional character or species was both possible and just as legitimate as therianthropy.

I'd say so. We're both reserved, logical, formal, aloof, a little odd. We have similar interests in literature and history and a similar taste in music. I wouldn't want to be exactly like him, but I do like that I share a lot of his better traits.

We have the same silvery white hair, a similar eye colour too, but other than that I don't think we look much alike. I like to imagine and hope that when I start taking testosterone and go back to the gym I'll look a bit like DMC3 Vergil though.

[didn't answer]

Yes! I have a fair amount of online friends who are fictionkin, as well as acquaintances I've met through forums and various social media. Real-life, however, I'm not sure. I've had IRL friends who claimed they "kinned" characters but never really elaborated on that.

12). Have you ever met canonmates? In real life or online?

No canonmates, but I'm mutuals or friends with a few sourcemates online. I don't put weight on either of these things, or look for people to fill character niches; I don't think any relationship we (could have) had in the past needs to dictate how we interact now, whether positively or negatively. So I avoid bringing it up or using it as a sole reason to befriend or dislike someone.

Yes, online. I don't like it very much but I'm never going to attack someone for happening to be the same guy as me. I tend to just block them, as it does freak me out to see another person out there who identifies as the same person as I am, especially if they use his name or him as profile pictures. I tend to be defensive of it due to how important it is for me, but I also recognise that it's a strange reaction and that I do not own the character. I'm not going to be the only one in the world who identifies as him so strongly, even if I wish I was sometimes.

I don't really get distinct mental shifts. I have phantom shifts of his Devil Trigger form though: horns on the side of my head, scales on my skin, clawed hands and feet, tail, and mandibles are the main parts I feel.

I don't spend time in their spaces really. I don't care about it other than a mild annoyance over how they've watered down my identity. But, I know that I know I'm educated on what fictionkin is and try to teach others the same, that I take my own experiences extremely seriously, and that I spend my time with 'kin who do take me seriously and see me as me and not as a casual roleplayer, so KFF don't threaten that.

I think they're interesting and fun to reblog or attach to myself in my mind, but it isn't very important to me. I don't find them offensive though, really.

A little. I've never been that into spirituality for myself, but some things do point towards that explanation. I don't believe it's reincarnation in my case but it could be a misplaced soul or a parallel life perhaps? I'm not sure.

Yes, I think a big part of my fictionkind identity is that it lets me see the world through the eyes of a character and not through my own. It gives me a grounding force to hold onto, someone to see myself as. Not in a copinglink way, although it does help me to cope, it's hard to explain.

I've been compared to him a few times, either in physical appearance or in personality, and I think things do become clear once you know that he is my fictotype. Most people who know him and know I either am him or like him associate him with me.

We have the same name, it's not really used that much IRL (other than close friends) but it's my main name online. Other than that, not much.

I wish we had more serious writing and experience sharing on Tumblr rather than just kincalls and moodboards. I also wish there was more of an active fictionkin presence on alterhuman forums so there could be more threads, discussions, and questions for fictionkin to respond to and write about themselves.

How different all of our kintypes and sources are, and how different and unique our experiences can be. I enjoy hearing about other people's thoughts and feelings on their fictotype, their memories, and their source, even if I'm not familiar with it myself. I think fictionkind in particular have an ability to fascinate you more on their fictotype/source than any fandom blogger could.

Obsessively. I want to know everything about it. I want to become an expert and an encyclopaedia of knowledge, even on lore that has nothing to do with me.

The most common ones, and the ones that bug me, are "it isn't real / you're not actually the character, you're mistaking it for something else / fictionkin will never be on the same level as nonhuman otherkin identities"

First, when has 'not real' ever stopped us? We have dragons, gryphons, elves, and werewolves in the alterhuman community and always have done. These creatures are just old, generally known, fiction, are they not? Spiritual fictionkin explain their experiences with the idea of a multiverse where fictional media exists as real-life, and if you refuse to believe that, there are still psychological fictionkin where the reality of a media generally doesn't need to come into play at all. Fictionkin who don't have the soul of / some kind of life being a certain character still identify as the character on an integral level, which is what makes them fictionkin.

There are a lot of characters and fictional worlds out there so it can feel pretty much impossible to find who you are within all of that, to both fictionkin and non-fictionkin. It took me 4 years of searching, questioning, and journaling my memories until I found my fictotype's source. Am I him, or am I a much more obscure, yet very similar character? Am I just a random half-devil half-human draconic shapeshifter with a similar life, rather than this specific character from a video game? Maybe! But does it matter? If this is who I identify as now, if this is who I genuinely believe my lifelong experiences and noemata culminated in, does that make it any less real and integral than if I said the same thing for a non-fictional kintype, or a different character? There are many, many animals out there, many undiscovered and undescribed. How many wolf therianthropes do you think misinterpreted their shifts for a grey wolf, rather than being from an obscure or extinct canid? Probably many, but if their identity as a wolf is real and true to them then why should the possibility that they're mistaken take away from its validity? I don't think many of us could ever know concretely that we're right about out kintype, a lot of the information we're given is vague and easily misinterpreted. It could be wishful thinking, or the brain filling in gaps. This doesn't matter though, what matters is that we identify as what we know is the best match with the information we have.

I know a lot of fictionkin identify as humans, and I don't, so I can't really speak for this. I don't see human fictionkin as inherently, by definition, otherkin unless their world is extremely different from this one or they use the otherkin label, but I don't think not being otherkin makes their fictionkin experience any less integral and strong as an otherkin identity at all. I hate the sneering looks from nonhuman otherkin at both human and nonhuman fictionkin, the constant 'fictionkin isn't even possible. I don't believe you. You're roleplaying a character you just like', the feeling that they see me as confused or lesser because even though my fictotype is satisfactorily nonhuman, he is a named character from fiction and that's enough of a red flag to just disregard my experiences.

These kinds of sentiments are why I'm very private about being fictionkin, but staying quiet, unsure of ourselves, and out of the way of "real" alterhumans is what fictionkin-sceptics want us to do.

Honestly, I have no idea.

26). What are some songs that remind you of your fictotype or source?

I have a playlist for my fictotype. Mainly progressive metal, doom metal, and goth.

I'm not really sure! I see him in dragons, which I've written an essay on, but other than that I couldn't say.

This artwork of Vergil as The Great Red Dragon. This inspired the title and some of the content of my draconity and fictionkinity essay.

Most of my activities are more for nonhuman otherkin like dragonkin and demonkin. I eat a lot more meat, seek out heat sources to sleep and bask on, and indulge in my nonhuman instincts. Other than that I read poetry, mainly original content on Tumblr and the Poetry Foundation's Poem of The Day.

This question is more difficult to find an answer for than I thought. I struggle to find the words to express things I feel inside, and this is no different. However I'll try my best: being my fictotype has given me stability, a structure to my identity, and a reason to keep going. I feel like I've found myself and I no longer feel perpetually confused, distressed, or empty. I have a life's worth of noemata, both good and bad, to reflect on and to use to guide me through events and relationships in this life. I don't want to repeat his actions or to become him in every way, but I want to use what I've learnt to do better and to embrace the better traits of his.

I've renewed my interest in poetry, history, mythology, writing, and philosophy because of my fictotype. I find that it connects me more to him while also helping me to understand the world, understand myself, and learn new things. I can also channel my feelings into painting now that I am fairly good at it in this life. I was never an artist then, as I never had the chance to really get into it, so it's great to have that option now.

I can take time in this life to do things I regret not doing, or regret rejecting so furiously. I can connect myself with nature, humanity (whether my own or the beauty of humans around me), friends, family, and art. I can teach those around me about topics dear to me. I can write about myself on this website to show others that they aren't alone, weird, or uniquely cringeworthy. While I am not perfect and still very awkward, asocial, and cold, I am making a conscious effort to not be destructive or dismissive to those around me. I'm making a point that I can improve myself and I can do things differently.

I don't spend my days agonising over and repenting for poor decisions I made or the people I hurt back then. That would do me no good whatsoever except make me feel bad, and perhaps make others feel bad too. I try not to blame myself for these things, I did what I thought was right and the important thing is that I am not doing it now. I can reflect on this and vow to apologise and make any amends by doing better in life and to not be the type of villain fictionkin who spends their days intentionally being some sort of edgelord online or in person because they expect themselves to be callous, angry, and wicked.

Another thing is I perceive my world similar to an anthropomorphic dragon otherkin, or dragon shapeshifter. I have phantom shifts, instincts, and feelings aligned with large reptiles, traits echoed by my devil forms, while still retaining my human intellect, emotions, reasoning, and form in some capacity. I find the draconic community to be the closest to my nonhuman experience as my fictotype. I'd describe myself as a draconic a bit to the left, or more accurately draconity experienced through the eyes of another.

I wrote about this draconity few days prior to writing this answer. I analysed my feelings from that life and came to the conclusion that I was a dragon or at the very least draconic in a way that makes me some shade of dragon in this life still. I meditated on it last night, and saw myself as my fictotype in humanoid form reaching out to touch a giant white-furred eastern dragon. It leant its head into my hand and looked me deep in the eyes for a while. I felt calm, proud, and like I had uncovered and embraced something about myself that I was meant to know. I am my fictotype, and I am a dragon. These are separate experiences, but also one and the same.

Being a nonhuman fictionkin is definitely odd. I feel like I have a foot in both worlds, as a technically humanoid fictionkin (especially to those unfamiliar with him) with a profoundly nonhuman state of being and self-image. It can be difficult to talk about in either space, as sole otherkin may be confused about me being a named character from a video game, and sole fictionkin may be confused about my nonhuman experiences. It's something I'll have to write about more often, I want others who feel similar to know that they're not the only one and they are welcome in any community they want to spend their time in. I'll bite whoever disagrees.