Fictionkind Dreamwidth Prompt #102: Series of Songs

Top ten songs that describe your fictomere? Why those songs?

Published: 29/01/2023

Last Updated: 29/01/2023

My fictotype playlist has been a project I've worked on ever since I began to question him. Songs have been slowly and very carefully added over time with attention paid to whether the song truly fits my personality, life story, and the other songs in the playlist. As of writing this, it has 34 songs: a mix of songs I have chosen and songs from my source's soundtrack, and is around three hours long. Below, I've picked out ten key songs to fit the prompt, and gone into detail about my reasoning, things that stand out to me in relation to my fictotype, and how I believe it fits with the playlist.

1). Enchantment — Paradise Lost

Paradise Lost's music is something I associate with myself quite strongly, especially due to the name of the band, their lyrical content, and their general style of death-doom metal. "There's no rule to say you'll cry alone, just find the strength to help you carry the load. Reverse the frown and let the power surge, but when alone you cannot resist the urge" is probably my favourite lyric, but everything speaks to certain parts of my life. I believe this is a song that applies to me and my journey in general.

2). Power and Sacrifice — Swans

Probably one of the most 'obvious' songs on the playlist. I am, often jokingly and therefore frustratingly, known for my quest and lust for power. I enjoy the oppressive, almost suffocating, atmosphere of the song and the deadpan repetition of 'I want power' at the beginning of most lines. The lyrics "I feel power running through my veins and out my eyes and into empty, godforsaken minds without reality. I feel power, I feel a sacrifice. I am dead to right or wrong." stand out to me most, and are something that could definitely be applied to my younger self.

3). Claw Marks on The Throne — Draconian

I find Draconian's style of gothic metal to be something I would have been interested in, which is why I have two Draconian songs on the full playlist. I especially like the duality they employ by using two vocalists: one using softer, female vocals, and the other using growled, male vocals. This vocal style is known as 'beauty and the beast' vocals, and is somewhat common in gothic metal. Duality is a theme I apply to my life, with me being half-human, half-devil, and those halves being personified themselves in the games. The song itself reminds me of Urizen and his part in Devil May Cry 5. Urizen is the devil half of me, something born when I separated my two halves.

In particular, the lyrics "claw marks on the throne, the soulless architect" brought the image of Urizen as the demon king on his throne to mind. The word 'architect' also reminded me that Urizen in William Blake's mythology was depicted with architect's tools, to symbolise his hand in creating and controlling the universe.

4). Conversion — Omns

This should start at the right timestamp, but if not, 27:39.

A calmer song in comparison to the others, as I thought the playlist needed a break to symbolise a more peaceful, sentimental moment, one that came to mind was the conversation between my child self and V before he joins back with Urizen. The lyrics "I merged to become my own god" also makes me think of the result of this, when I became complete again. The album title: Facilis Descensus Averni ('the descent into the underworld is easy') is also a quote from the poet Virgil, who I am named after. Irrelevant to why I added the song, but interesting nonetheless.

5). Drown in Ashes — Celtic Frost

I love the foreboding tone of this song, with the synthesisers and the almost ghostly vocals on top of the deeper, tired-sounding vocals delivering the main lyrics. I've always thought the male vocals sound very similar to how I perceive my own voice. The whole album is one I heavily relate to my life and self, especially the songs 'A Dying God Coming Into Human Flesh' and 'Os Abysmi Vel Daath'. All of the lyrics are ones I can apply to myself, but in particular, I like "My pain, my joy. My darkest mind, my love destroyed", because it always reminds me of the lines "Has found out thy bed of crimson joy: and his dark secret love does thy life destroy" from William Blake's The Sick Rose.

6). Kneel to The Cross — Agalloch

I've always inexplicably tied neofolk to my fictionkinity. This song is a cover of a different band which I haven't heard, but this immediately stood out to me. It's the general sound and mood of the song and the way the vocals are delivered that warranted its place on the playlist. I especially like "They wail and weep, the march of the sheep as they go to the cross on the wall. And it's ever so wrong to dare to be strong, so kneel to the cross on the wall". Looking back, maybe it is relevant to my feelings after visiting Fortuna, and witnessing the ruling religious organisation there.

7). O Failing Vessel, Brave The Violent Sea — I Hear Sirens

An instrumental track. The sombre desperation in the song, along with the title, makes me think of the timeframe between when l escaped from Mallet Island and when I stabbed myself in an attempt to save my deteriorating human body.

8). Darkness — Peter Gabriel

Peter Gabriel is the right sort of era for me, likely an artist I would have heard and enjoyed in my teens, and the industrial spin in this song fits with the overall vibe of the playlist. There are so many lyrics that stand out to me, and this entire song feels extremely accurate and something that definitely deserves to be on the playlist. It mostly caters to the side of me that isn't really shown in source but what I know unfortunately intimately. It makes me think of my entire backstory and how I thought of myself. I enjoy the wild, mechanical, sound of the more intense parts of the song, and the rapid switching between loud, tormented, and soft, serene, parts. I like the themes of fear, uncertainty, and overcoming said fears and finding peace.

Some lyrics that stand out to me most:

"I'm afraid of what I do not know, I hate being undermined

I'm afraid I can be devil-man, and I'm scared to be divine

Don't mess with me, my fuse is short

Beneath this skin, these fragments caught"

I often felt torn between the two halves of me, the "devil-man" and the "divine" and although I could fake a semblance of neutrality and control, I was angry, self-loathing, and afraid underneath it all. I angered easily and often felt trapped in my skin and like a wild animal.

"Walking through the undergrowth, to the house in the woods

The deeper I go, the darker it gets.

I peer through the window, knock at the door

And the monster I was so afraid of

Lies curled up on the floor

Is curled up on the floor, just like a baby boy"

I often had dreams of walking back to my childhood home, this part of the song makes me think of those dreams. Seeing a monster in a different light, and not being afraid of it anymore, is also something that is relevant to me. I was understandably afraid of the seemingly all-powerful demons that targeted my family that one day when I was a child, but eventually I began to see them as something I was capable of defending myself against, and something I was no longer afraid of.

"I'm afraid of loving women, and I'm scared of loving men

Flashbacks coming in every night

Don't tell me everything's alright"

I was afraid of close relationships, and afraid to love and trust and let myself be loved. I often experienced flashbacks and nightmares of my past, both regarding the demon attack and regarding my time under Mundus.

9). Do Angels Never Cry, and Heaven Never Fall? — Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio

Again with the neofolk. I love how this band writes their lyrics and titles, and I like the drumming throughout the song and the almost chant-like vocals. The title itself makes me think of the 'devils never cry' quote used a number of times in the games. The lyrics "I entered a valley with rivers of blood, I lay down and witnessed the murder of God. All colours exploded like bombs in the sky, a moment forever engraved in my mind." makes me think of my time in the demon world.

10). Poison Tree — Grouper

The title and the lyrics are inspired by William Blake's The Poison Tree, a poem that is heavily referenced throughout Devil May Cry 5. I actually find that this song fits me and the events of the game closer than the poem itself. I like the lyrics "Oh, beautiful poison tree, let your power grow in me, let your sorrow pour in me. Take away my blood and bones; make your flowers deep inside of me." I don't remember anything vividly of being Urizen, but one single thing that does feel right to me is that being connected to the Tree was a very visceral experience, and I physically felt it growing and feeding on those it killed. The lyrics of this song capture that experience very accurately.